im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He? As in you personified your dick?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
