can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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