no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
