You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
