I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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