Where is the hickey?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
