Cold hands, warm shart.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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