After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
