I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
