Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
