She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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