i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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