I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
