At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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