i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
