I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
