This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
