i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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