Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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