I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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