Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
