I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
