Don't make out with my wife yet
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
