Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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