im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
