i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
