You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
