just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
