How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
