The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
