Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
