Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
