my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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