Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The adults are the big ones right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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