just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
