I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
