In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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