Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What a dumb baby whore.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
