Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
