So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
