you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
