Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
