I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
