I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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