Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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