Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
