My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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