i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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