so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
