Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
