I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
