I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
