I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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