I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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