all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
